Morbid topic title is morbid indeed.
A serious topic for once, and something I’ve struggled with for a long time. I find it hard to discuss this, I’ve never spoken about it to anyone, and I don’t think I would be able to physically speak about it.
My family, although lovable and boisterous, tend to not talk about feelings. We just deal with it and move on. Undoubtedly, it’s not a very healthy way of living, and very much could be the contributing factor as to why a lot of us struggle with depression and anxiety.
It’s hard to break a part from something you’re so used to, it’s the way things are.
Which is probably why I find it difficult to blog, not that I can’t write or struggle with the concept of blogging, it’s just hard to try and get my feelings down – because I’m not used to the concept of talking about feelings.
Verbal or written.
The issue with illness is that it not only affects the individual who is sick, it affects those around them, too.
Being of Asian descent means that my family is admittedly large, family members tend to have more siblings, and then you have step/half siblings etc. It’s all very confusing.
My family seems to be afflicted with bad luck. I’ve had the misfortune of losing family to illness at a young age, which makes sense when they’re great-grandparents etc.
It still hurts though.
Recently, I’ve been struggling to deal with family members who have cancer.
Before I started university, a family member was diagnosed with cancer, and the next three years were very scary and emotional. During that time, both my parents were sick intermittently due to various health issues, and then during my final month at university another family member was critically ill and then 2014 was a horrible, horrible time in my life.
Things haven’t improved since, it’s all a bit scary in my life. I don’t know if the people I love are still going to be around for long, and that is the most terrifying feeling I have, and will ever, experience.
I can’t describe how smothering this unknowing feeling is. Dealing with the thoughts of loss, trying to live and deal with life after being a graduate with so many expectations from me.. It’s so, so hard.
I can say that I’m dealing with this in the most positive way as I can imagine. During the last month of University, I was quite sick which led to my diagnosis of Polycystic Ovaries Syndrome. Because of medication and terrible side effects, I had to ditch all that and try to adapt to an entirely new lifestyle.
I can honestly say, that changing my life-stlye has been such a saving grace in staying afloat and happy. Not to say I was living with a bad life style before, I’ve just improved on it!
I’ve adopted a healthier diet – more fruit, vegetables etc. I’ve also been exercising which seems to help so much. I try to surround myself with positive vibes and people. I don’t read or watch anything that is emotionally stunting, I read a lot more books and try to stay in my little happy bubble.
Of course there are hiccups, times when I’m extremely emotionally distraught and struggling – but that is the way of life, I guess.
I learn from it. I pick myself up and move on.